Friday, May 27, 2005
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Here Are the Guy Rules for Dolls
Please note that they are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR. Also football and rugby.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Ditto Saturday
Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Monday, May 23, 2005
What kind of eyes do you have?
You have eden eyes. Eden is the color of water. Your eyes symbolize your great flexibility. You are a creative person. You can think of many good ways to get your point across to people as you have very good communication abilities. When someone feels down or is hurt, you have the remarkable ability to help them and heal them. If you have too little going on in your life, you may be withdrawn and depressed, timid, manipulative, unreliable, stubborn, or suspicious. Some words to describe you: peaceful, sincere, affectionate, tranquil, intuitive, trustworthy, pure, loyal, healing, and stable.
Ya, I know these eyes are as similar to mine as Saddam's are to George Bush. (At least they have the same gender). Anyway, I can't help it if this is the result of the quiz!
Monday, May 16, 2005
At 6 years, she scaled 17 kgs (37 pounds). Last week she miraculously brought it back down to 15.5 kgs (34 pounds) !
She was sick for a week and was on drip for a day. It's windy here and I am scared she'll get blown away!
Monday, May 09, 2005
Thursday, May 05, 2005
But I can’t help this love-hate relationship with dentists – I hate their grins and they love my open mouth (and I suspect open purse as well)! The last time I visited a dentist (before Dhaka) was a year back at Bangalore, India. She was soo charming and she smiled at almost anything I said. The wise nods were timed to perfection. She loved retaining eye-to-eye contact and had large brown eyes with long lashes behind stylish semi-rimmed glasses. Her teeth were well shaped and sparkling white and generated confidence in the dentally challenged. She was well built without being imposing – the sort of health you need to pluck out reluctant teeth that are not really decayed.. And when she inspected my teeth, she gave me another of her radiant smiles. When I commented that I knew my teeth looked like post-US Afghanistan, she laughed heartily. To this date I wonder whether it was my comment that made her laugh or my utterly hopelessly funny dental condition. Or was she thinking about her holiday in the hills (and me pre-paying all the bills). Anyway, she offered me some dates which I gleefully accepted. My caring wife accompanied me on all these dates, and the beautiful dentist’s dutiful dentist husband performed the drilling, grinding, ‘Gutta Percha’ stuffing, fillings, extractions, et al. I do not like to hang on to painful memories, so the details are not available for you. And yes, I might have disliked him less had he not insisted on giving free tutorials to my wife on the effects of smoking on teeth. Firstly, I had already quit smoking. Secondly, I couldn’t defend myself with my mouth locked open. Thirdly, it is not pleasant to be scrutinized like a museum mummy when you are still breathing. It left a bad taste in the mouth, pun intended. After six sessions at the dentist, I had to spend another two sessions with our company’s accounts dept. explaining how I could incur a five figure medical bill without hospitalization and why it cannot be termed a cosmetic treatment! Anyway, I got my medical reimbursement. Still….
I don’t like dentists! I just can’t help it! :-)
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Needless to say, my wife did not sleep that night. And our daughter lost a milk/temporary tooth and swallowed it in her sleep. In the early morning confusions of office and school and breakfast and missing tooth, I couldn't stop laughing at the funny look on my kids face. It was after all a proud moment for a father.
The day was more eventful than the night. A tiny tot at school heard his mother advice my wife to pluck out a loose milk tooth. And the gallant young man performed the surgery on my kid in the middle of a class. A shocked teacher scolded a disgraced surgeon because of a silently sobbing damsel in distress with a tiny tooth in her tiny palm! HILARIOUS!
So the Dhaka trip that ended safely last night with a bit of work, a bit of shopping, a bit of sightseeing and a lot of visits to the dentist. That guy minted money! It will take me some time to forget the face of Dhaka's Delighted Dentist.