Sunday, March 27, 2005
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Metamorphosis of Cricket
And ladies in Victorian attire with puffed petticoats… would drool and swoon for five sunny days…as the men displayed their wares and skills on the field.
A lot has changed since then!
The Five day Festivals have lost out in popularity to the One day Orgies.
The ladies, especially in the southern hemisphere, shed their petticoats.
The big boys began playing at night - and everybody was thrilled.
The red balls weren't too visible at night. So white balls were identified to replace them. Australian balls were found to be harder and tougher than the rest and hence preferred.
The game itself ceased to be the monopolised domain of the stronger sex. Now women play it too. But sadly, the stands are empty. And no wonder! Imagine women in white cotton trousers and white full sleeve shirts! I mean, couldn’t they learn the obvious from their counterparts in tennis and volleyball. 'Long Leg' and 'Fine Leg' in the field is balderdash unless you show it! OK, you want the crowd to come to watch your game, and who doesn’t! But where is the initial motivation...the Starter? First you need to make them take notice and stand up…then they understand…and then you earn the standing ovation from the stands!
It has also ceased to be the Englishman’s game.The ‘natives’ of the colonial past learnt fast. And then bettered, rather ‘bat’tered, their masters at their own turf. But from what I hear about English humour, it seems they love to laugh at themselves.
This brings me to a question that would confuse Confucius:
Who has the last laugh?
Thursday, March 17, 2005
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say ,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9) While riding a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle
(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
FIVE POINT DARES
1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my
witness, I'll never go hungry again".
9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you
hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch
for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee,
move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.
And if that wasn't enough for you...
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over
his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
8) Don't use any punctuation
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle
sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Numbers are interesting, numbers are fun,
Well…At least for most, if not everyone!
You too must have done your fair share of brain racking with numbers – at least till high school. Mathematicians do it all their lives. Economists do it to warm up to their hardcore stuff. Statisticians make a living out of it!
But there’s more to numbers than cold logic. There is a mysterious world of the unknown, undefined, unscientific. It’s termed Numerology. It’s a branch of Astrology. It is embarrassing that an engineer with a supposedly scientific bend of mind should exercise his grey cells on such illogical, blind beliefs. It is even more embarrassing for an engineer with a supposedly scientific bend of mind to notice a crystal clear pattern and ignore it just because it is not defined or accepted by the scientific community.
This happened some 6 years back. I was located in the state of Karnataka in South India. A colleague conversant with astrology took my date of birth and did some calculations. He then told me that my life revolves around the number ‘4’. “Yes, I was born on the 4th, and you already know it!” I smiled. “So what’s so great about it?” He was slightly irritated by my arrogant and ignorant behaviour, but regained his composure very quickly. And this is what we discovered in the next fifteen minutes….
- Yes, I was born on the 4th and by now, even you know it.
- The 4 digits of my year of birth add up to 4.
- My wife’s date of birth is 22 (2 + 2 = 4).
- My house No was 40 (4 + 0 = 4).
- My vehicle registration no was 8239.
- My telephone no added up to 4.
- I joined service on the 13th. (And have now served for more than a decade in this company).
- 13 and 22 are my lucky dates and most of my notable events are on these dates, including most transfers. (Yes, Friday the 13th is actually lucky for me).
Due to my frequent transfers, my phone nos. and bank account nos. keep changing. And more often than not, it adds up to 4!
My present apartment no is 4. My previous address in Bangalore, India was #13, 4th Cross!
So is this all just a coincidence? Or is there a hidden secret behind it. A Larger Truth? Something we are unaware of today as we were unaware of the Roundness of the Earth and our Ape Ancestors till recently. And we had resisted the truth till we couldn’t deny it any longer.
Mind you, there are 8 other numbers excluding zero. So the probability of coincidence is pretty lean. Also, I myself had not noticed the prevalence of the number ‘4’ in my life earlier. It was pointed out to me by someone who had studied these numerology/astrology theories. So there is a theory and it works!
I am impressed. How about you? :-)
The Interview with God
I am not very religious and pride my semi-agnostic aloofness. But the message here is universal. And it's secular. And it manages to pull the right strings in our hearts. Happy viewing ...
Monday, March 14, 2005
Weak after week
Going through normal life again. And reflecting back during the breaks...like a cow chewing it's previous meal. Missed daughters birthday. Just managed to make it to a restaurant with her..that too late in the night. Missed the weekend too...and the weekly shoppings. Lots of catching up to do.
Off to a meeting now. This one is of the usual, slow types. Not like last week. Thank God for that!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Friday, March 11, 2005
Rain Rain Go Away...
If only Supplies were on time, it would have been so much easier scheduling and executing your own job. But another job-specific nuisance is that supplies are never on time. To add to your frustration, the designers make “fine tunings” at the eleventh hour which will call for additional supplies, additional mobilisation, additional labour and consequently additional time.
The rain is a pain in construction! Intermittent rains here already, and it’s not helping the harvest on my head! Apparently the farmers out here pray better than me!!
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Indian in F1
For years I have sat glued to the TV set watching Formula 1 Grand Prix and wishing someone from India could reach there. Apart from the national pride, it would also have given me someone else to cheer for after Schumi became boring and predictable on the podium.
It used to be exiciting in the years when Maclaren were No 1 and Ferrari were at 2. It was fun cheering Schumi in red as he chased the ice cool Mika Hakkinen in silver n black. Mika used to be ably suported by Coultard and Schumacher by Eddy Irvine. Later Irvine shifted to Jaguar and slipped down the rankings and Hakkinen retired. The Schumi supremacy slowly turned to monopoly and then to monotony. Last season I hardly watched F1, content in the knowledge that Michael was on top, supported by Barrichello.
Today marks Day 1 of the new season at Melbourne and Narain Karthikayan in a yellow Jordan will be the first Indian in F1 history.
I really don't mind Schumi on the podium. Narain on the track is good enough for me! :)
Saturday, March 05, 2005
It's funny really...especially in areas of interface like Visa office or Customs!! You manage to get only three and a half working days a week! Half of Thursday and full Friday is lost here. Saturday through Sunday is lost there. I believe this is not the only country with Friday as weekly off. There are many such countries, especially in the Middle-East. And we talk of Global Economy!!
It also makes me wonder why I am so bothered about all this. Whether it is due to the global loss of mandays or whether it is due to my missing out on the fun of a three and a half days week :)
Not that there is much you could do over a weekend out here. No pubs, few restaurants, cloudy climate, a couple of parks, hardly any friends, a few shopping spots with limited stocks, most women in 'burkhas', some without, who hurry from dark glassed shops to dark glassed cars!
Yeah, I know I am getting a bit frustated here and it shows. ^_^
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
I have smoked for 20 years at a stretch. Close to 2 packs a day.
I knew all along that smoking caused cancer. Lung cancer. Mouth Cancer. Trachea. Respiratory Track. And if you get it, and detect early, you have to cut off the malignant part and be OK again. Happened to my grand father way back in the seventies. He survived, minus two third lung, right side. He was a smoker.
If you get it and do not detect early, you go for radiotherapy or chemotherapy. You loose all your hair, you loose all your weight, you loose all your savings. And then, finally, you loose your life! I know. It happened to my father. 1981. He was a smoker.
I have read that the day you give up smoking, the chances of cancer starts receding, till after 10 years, your chances are as good (or as bad) as someone who never smoked at all!!
I quit smoking in April 2004. 10 months, 1 week back. Not a puff since then. Does that save my life? Will I be able to give my daughter the support, companionship, security, concelling that I never got since the age of 15?
I don't really know! Frankly, I would consider myself ( and my wife and daughter) damn lucky if I manage to last that long. And Emphysema is something I never knew about!
So if you smoke, pal, quit. It is late. Every puff makes it more late. All your big talk of loving your dear ones is a BIG LIE if you smoke. There are so many ways of justifying it....I know it roto, I've said it all!! There are folks who can help. Contact them. It won't make you small. It makes you BIG when you finally quit! Believe me...
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Back for More
I also vacillate!
So took me ages to post my last blog. Had also decided that it would be my penultimate blog. Bet you are wondering why 'penultimate'! Why not just the last! Well, I vacillate so much that it is always more convenient to say 'penultimate'! :)
So I signed in for a Final Post before hibernating through summer...and guess what! Comments on my posts!! One says she found it funny! (Pinch me someone!) The next says she has added me! (Forget pinching, get a knife!)
That sure is enough to postpone the Final Post by another week...maybe a fortnight! :) What if I hear the distant thunder of rain-laden monsoon clouds lumbering up the Bay of Bengal? Maybe another 'penultimate'. [>^_^<]
I also vacillate!